Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to the object you wish to view.
Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at a chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f**king thing in the first place.
Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know the difference.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
A mouse trap placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with whom you disagree.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
5 comments:
LMAO....these were so funny Bazaa.....I dont know why I never thought of the frozen peas in the condom!!! LOL. I wonder if you could use corn.....?????? ; ))
You are a wisdom master. Excellent advice and helpful hints. Thanks.
They were all helpful except the last one. If I punched someone they would punch me back.
I was amused until I got to the mouse trap on the alarm clock. THEN I roared with laughter. Frightened the cat.
Very funny. Some people I would might actually try them to. That is a little frightening.
Post a Comment